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It is, inevitably, a very Liverpool-heavy Mediawatch. So which billionaire will buy them? And why it could absolutely definitely be Elon Musk as long as you ignore the fact it obviously won’t be Elon Musk.
Up for sale?
We do feel that we need to just start by pointing out that as every media outlet in the world (including this one) goes giddy about Liverpool being UP FOR SALE and speculating on which billionaire is going to buy them and what the asking price is and who they’re going to sign with all their billions that the actual statement from FSG doesn’t actually say anything about Liverpool definitely being up for sale.
We’re not saying Liverpool aren’t up for sale – David Ornstein certainly thinks they are and he knows his football gossip onions – just that it’s not quite what their official statement itself says. What has been said is this:
“FSG has frequently received expressions of interest from third parties seeking to become shareholders in Liverpool. FSG has said before that under the right terms and conditions we would consider new shareholders if it was in the best interests of Liverpool as a club.
“FSG remains fully committed to the success of Liverpool, both on and off the pitch.”
And yet story after story after carries this quote below the bald unequivocal claim “FSG have announced that Liverpool FC is up for sale” or some such with no reference to Ornstein’s scoop. It’s just… not quite that simple, is it?
Musk be true
Got to admire the sheer cynicism of this one from The Sun, concocting a really quite canny way to justify including Twitter-breaking billionaire du jour Elon Musk in their list of potential Liverpool buyers under the headline “Five billionaires who could afford to buy Liverpool and have shown interest in Prem ownership”
Two key elements there, of course: “afford to buy” and “have shown interest in Prem ownership”. Let’s consider them individually. Musk absolutely could “afford to buy” Liverpool even after spaffing loads of cash up the Twitter wall, but has he really “shown interest in Prem ownership” or did he just once do a really obvious shitpost on doomed hellscape twitter dot com that read “Also I’m buying Manchester United ur welcome”?
Obviously, it’s the latter. And The Sun know it was a shitpost because they literally link to their own story from the time saying it was a shitpost and containing the following quotes from the man himself about whether his shitpost was serious.
“No, this is a long-running joke on Twitter. I’m not buying any sports teams.”
The Sun aren’t about to let something equivocal like “I’m not buying any sports teams” stop them, though: “An unpredictable businessman, it would not surprise anyone if the Tesla and SpaceX man swooped in for the Merseyside club.”
Behave yourselves, it absolutely would surprise absolutely everyone and you know it. Lovely second mention areas, though, although if we’re nitpicking we’d have preferred “Tesla and SpaceX ace”. You did manage to get “buy Liverpool”, “billionaires” and “Elon Musk” into the same URL anyway, and now so can we so cheers for that anyway.
Hey Jude
The possibility of Liverpool being bought by some billionaire or other also means the tastiest of treats: hypothetical possible line-ups that have zero chance of coming precisely to fruition.
Of all the hypothetical fictitious team sheet clickoramas, the “How they could line up if…” is second in Mediawatch’s affections only to the guaranteed bunfight of “Combined XIs” produced by gloriously one-eyed pundits ahead of major derby games. This one from The Sun is a classic of the genre.
“How Liverpool could line up after takeover with Kylian Mbappe, Jude Bellingham and Fede Valverde on transfer wishlist”
There then follows a great deal of words saying pretty much sod all until we get to the good stuff: a graphic of a Liverpool team that reveals that if Liverpool were to spend, conservatively, £400m on Mbappe, Bellingham and Valverde then their team would have Mbappe, Bellingham and Valverde in it.
All bases covered
There’s other Liverpool news today of course, with reaction to their blockbuster Champions League last-16 draw against Real Madrid still prominent despite being rather overshadowed by the prospect of Elon Musk bringing his unique brand of maverick genius to Anfield.
It’s still there if you look for it, though, with the Express in particular taking great care to make sure they’ve got everything covered.
07.11, Tuesday November 8: “Chelsea, Liverpool and Tottenham face chaos as Champions League last 16 fixtures confirmed: Chelsea, Liverpool and Tottenham are facing a nightmare fixture schedule following the Champions League last 16 draw”
08.57, Tuesday November 8: “Liverpool spared nightmare run of fixtures after Real Madrid Champions League draw: Liverpool have narrowly escaped a nightmare Premier League fixture schedule after being drawn against Real Madrid in the Champions League last 16”
Everyone is saying it
Mediawatch is old and tired and grumpy and doesn’t care for pretty much any of your new-fangled SEO, click-chasing antics that comprise modern journalism, but currently occupying top spot of the Mediawatch Shitlist is the current and we think relatively new phenomenon of finding a handful of people saying a thing on social media and then claiming all the people are saying it.
Here’s The Sun doing it in vaguely illiterate fashion about Liverpool and FSG and Real Madrid…
“Liverpool fans all saying the same thing after club is put up for sale and Real Madrid draw in Champions League”
What all Liverpool fans are apparently saying is that FSG have decided to put the club up for sale because they don’t want to lose another Champions League game to Real Madrid. It is a moderate banter neatly combining two significant, topical yet obviously and thus amusingly unrelated bits of Liverpool news. A little self-deprecating joke that is decent enough and obvious enough that you would expect multiple people to have arrived at it. We wouldn’t hate ourselves if we’d made the joke. It’s an okay joke is what we’re saying, and our issue is not with the Liverpool fans who have made the joke.
No, our issue is with the claim that “All Liverpool fans” are saying it. The Sun, makers of this claim about what is quite famously one of the largest sporting fanbases on planet earth, themselves have in fact managed to find no more than five Liverpool fans saying it. Liverpool have way more than five fans, we reckon.
Is it the worst thing in the world? No. But it combines its annoying hyperbolic inaccuracy with apparent pointlessness. We admit to often dozing off and zoning out when big bosses try to tell us about SEO and how we must always be mindful of pleasing the capricious and fickle whims of the Google Algorithm Gods, but we cannot for the life of us work out what possible benefit is derived from absurdly and obviously incorrectly claiming “all” rather than “some” fans are saying a thing? It can’t just be the one angry click it guarantees from Mediawatch.
The Local Angle
Always a tough one for any local outlet when there’s a massive story dominating the news agenda and it isn’t about you. But every crisis is an opportunity. Enter the Manchester Evening News:
“FSG and Liverpool FC have just created a problem for the Glazers at Manchester United”
Textbook.
“Football” headline of the day
“BOTTOM’S UP! Italian OnlyFans star who loves getting her bum out at football matches shows off her peachy backside again in custom kit” Daily Star
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